Tour de FUCK YOU

Cyclists... Now I have your hated attention, let me begin my latest rant.

So you're driving to work during peak hour, traffic is bad, rage is already through the roof, suddenly the traffic starts moving and you reach 50km! wow high five! Now let me introduce Neff, the spasticated cyclist who thinks its fucking awesome to ride on the road during peak hour traffic. Wtf man? He keeps peddling like he's in tour de france, when in reality he's actually that little annoying fuck tard of a kid that rode around your neighborhood smashing into shit because no one taught the stupid little asshole how to fucking ride a bike... You know the one? Your parents used to drive past him really slow because the dickhead would fall off his bike so many times and you just weren't sure if you would accidently run him over...

Ok so I've gone off a little here but do you get the idea?? For fuck sake, stay off the god damn road and ride on the path if it's there you stupid lycra wearing son of bitch. Seriously, why hold up EVERY FUCKING CAR... You look like a homeless cunt riding to get a free steak... Jesus you annoy me!

You know what I'm going to start doing? I'm going to drive in front of you soooooo slow, then when you try to overtake me I'm going to open my door and throw a fucking bag of drippy shit at you! I don't FUCKING CARE... I HATE you cyclists soooo much that every time I see one of you my eye starts to twitch... Even by writing this you've managed to ruin my entire day.

One Direction? No Direction - Left turn at Bieber feat Mr WorldWide

Music... What the fuck happened to you? Every god damn time I turn the radio on (which is Monday to Friday due to the joys of driving to work) I have to listen to 'Mr WorldWide'. Some of the lyrics make me feel like smashing my face into a bucket of broken glass, I mean 'Mr WorldWide'?? really? a bald man who looks like Moby's forgotten son. I mean can't you just see this happening? (see below scenario)

You: *walking up the stairs in your own home*
Mr World Wide: *proceeds to sniff your feet as you're walking up*
You: WTF was that?
Mr WorldWide: *jumps out and screams* 'Mr WorldWide', and then begins to rub oil on his balding head while touching himself...

Creepy right? I could just see him doing this (if he hasn't already). Where oh where did beautiful music go? beats that made you feel like dancing, lyrics that made you cry, sounds that reminded of you a tough time in your life? or of a great time? I could go on for ages, but I need to get back to work :-/

Steve Jobs Death

Ok this post is probably going to cause hate mail, but you know what? this is the internet, if you don’t like what I write then you should cancel all internet access because I have news for you, the internet if FULL of people who have a say in everything (just like me).

So Steve Jobs died yesterday, I’ve read so much on this already that its making me sick. The worst part of this is random people on Facebook crying that Steve Jobs died...

Since when did the human race become so empathetic? Since when did you cry for the old lady begging for money outside in the rain? Since when did you cry over the little girl who has no home and has to beg in order to be able eat? Since when did you cry for the woman getting raped in war torn countries? Since when did you cry for the thousands upon thousands who die of starvation every day? Since when did you cry for Susie who lost her father to Pancreatic Cancer?

I hope you get my point and don’t take this the wrong way, death is tragic... I’ve tasted it like nearly every other person has, I just don’t think we should glamorise Steve Jobs as a revolutionary because you hold an iPhone in your hand right now...

Mojang vs Bethesda

So this is a basic rundown of what has happened quoted from http://www.gamasutra.com/

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Minecraft developer Mojang today received a notice from a Swedish court, stating that Elder Scrolls publisher Bethesda is going ahead with the infringement claim regarding upcoming title Scrolls.

Last month, Mojang received a letter from Bethesda accusing the Swedish studio of infringing on Bethesda's The Elder Scrolls trademark with its in-development digital card game Scrolls.

"The Scrolls case is going to court!" revealed developer Markus Persson via Twitter.
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I think this has gone out of control for no apparent reason, I've been an Elder Scrolls fan since back in the day and I made no association with Scrolls vs Elder Scrolls. This just seems like a case of "wait we can make more money here!".

What on earth gives Bethesda the right to challenge the fact that someone is using the word Scroll in their title? My gaming senses tell me that Bethesda are scared to lose customers to Mojang just like Blizzard has. I say harden the f##k up Bethesda, if you’re scared of competition you should stop making games because you should know that the gaming industry is one of the hardest industries to be in. Instead of wasting money on lawyers Bethesda why don’t you just do what you do best... make games!

iPhone 4

So I've noticed my previous posts have been rants, and I guess this is another one!

Am I the only person on this planet that HATES my iPhone 4? and when I say hate I mean HATE. It is by far the most irritating phone I have ever owned. I'm an average built guy, meaning I'm not skinny and I'm not on the larger side of life. But every time I try to type my fingers press two buttons at once and writing one text takes me ages! heaven forbid that I should try and type a url...

*Ronnie calls work*

Ronnie: "Hey I need to take today off"
Boss: "Is everything ok?"
Ronnie: "I need to type in a url on my iPhone"
Boss: "Shit man, you better take the week off"
Ronnie: "Thanks boss man"

*Proceeds to block work calendar out for the remainder of the week*

We've gone backwards guys, the iPhone battery lasts a little over a day IF I'm lucky (where's the portability in that?), the apps give you some fun but eventually you get bored of them, you have to ask Apple permission to do EVERYTHING! it will get to the point where if you put your iPhone 1000 down it will say "Hey wtf man, where you go I go, Apple needs to see where you walk! I don’t care if you're taking a dump I GO WITH YOU". Whatever happened to simplicity? whatever happened to drag and drop? Sync this, sync that, you unlock your phone - sync, you ring your parents - sync, you text your girlfriend - sync (ok slight exaggeration but you get the point).

Don’t get me wrong. I have enjoyed the phone at times but the novelty has worn off. It’s now basically a glorified mp3 player. I’ve owned the phone for a while now and it’s my first iPhone. I think it’s safe to say it will also be my last...

The Void Where Socks Go...

So most of us know as we get into work, what we need to do for the day. I usually start the day by logging into the system and checking out my calendar in Outlook.

Today I look at my schedule at lo and behold... another full day of meetings! 8 hours worth! I mean how the fuck am I suppose to get work done if you wankers keep booking 8 hours of meetings, oh wait I know! I will visit the void where my socks end up and find some extra time in there shall I? Or will I just use my own personal time after hours eh?

Dude I know your wife/girlfriend has the face of a dropped pie, but for fucks sake I actually want to go home and visit my hot girl... So do me a favour, STOP booking useless conference calls that no-one gives a shit about and go home ...

Mommy, Can I Go To The Potty?

This is yet another thing I come across on a daily basis. I've worked for a lot of big companies (being a contractor I shift companies once or twice a year), and each company has one thing in common... The men's bathroom, or should I say the warzone.

Every friggen bathroom I've been in has, in some point in time been utterly destroyed by the bowels of a fully grown man. I mean for crying out loud, I've been to nightclubs where the bathrooms were cleaner! I know you hate your job guys, we all do.. but seriously do you think the boss is going to walk into that cubicle, and after studying your handy work say to himself “Hmm John really hates his job, gee I better go easy on him lest he do another McFlurry on the walls”

You know who has to clean up your crap? The cleaner! The poor friggen cleaner. What the hell do you even do to get shit in that spot? Do you get up half way through the bungie jump and start doing a pelvic thrust? I mean seriously!

Have some decency you knob gobbler...